Why Being Steady Matters More Than Being Perfect

I’ll admit, I wasn’t the sturdiest mom around. As a single mom of three, I yelled a lot and lost my cool more times than I wish I had. I didn’t listen well, but I demanded my kids listen to me. I used the old school “time outs” and thought they worked. The truth is, I just didn’t have as many amazing resources for parents as there are now. Now, I’m learning whole new ways to parent my grandkids.

I first heard the term “sturdy” from Dr. Becky Kennedy, PhD, a clinical psychologist, bestselling author, and founder of Good Inside (a GREAT book). She talks about how kids need adults to be “sturdy,” and I love this idea.

In my humble opinion, the need for sturdy parenting has never been greater.

What does sturdy parenting really mean?

For me, it’s about having the resilience, flexibility, and deep commitment to keep showing up for our kids and grandkids — even when the waters get rough.

It’s not about being perfect (none of us are). It’s not about never losing your cool (we all do). But it IS about having the sense to repair when things go sideways, to learn as you go, and to make changes when something’s not working. (You’ll know it’s not working because you have a pit in your stomach at the end of the day)

The three qualities of sturdy parenting

1. Resilience
Parenting will hand you tough moments — from public meltdowns to teenage-slammed doors. Resilience is what helps you bounce back and keep showing up. I once heard perseverance described as “carrying on, in a state of grace, without complaint, to the end.” I love that. It’s not about never feeling upset; it’s about staying in the game, love and connection intact.

2. Adaptability
Kids change. A lot. What worked at age four probably won’t work at fourteen and certainly not at 24. Sturdy parents are willing to pivot, to experiment, to stay open to new approaches. Flexibility keeps the connection alive.

3. Unwavering commitment
Your kids need to know — without a shred of doubt — that you’re all in. That you’ll be there for them in the good moments and the messy ones. It means you pay attention to the bigger picture, including the impact of devices, social media and the emerging research. You don’t cave into their upset and demands. You hold steady. You’re their anchor. That kind of steady presence helps shapes healthy minds and bodies.

How to build your sturdiness

You don’t have to be born sturdy — it’s something you can grow.

1. Notice where you’re steady and where you waver. Do you stay calm under pressure but lose patience when you’re tired or hungry? Do you disdain having them be mad at you?

2. Pause before reacting. Taking a deep breath or two can change the whole tone of a moment and get you back into the thinking brain.

3. Step outside your comfort zone. Try something new when the old way isn’t working. Sturdiness grows in the stretch.

Why it matters

When we’re sturdy, our kids feel safe enough to explore, to try, to fail, and to try again. They know we’ve got their back — not just when it’s easy, but when it’s hard. Then they can tend to the critical work of growing up and being their unique, creative, awesome selves.

Sturdy parenting isn’t about getting it right every time. It’s about being steady enough to weather the storms, repair when we falter, and love them through it all. 💛